I've been a little too over-whelmed to write and have needed some processing time. This evening I do intend to make a pot of tea and put some thoughts to paper to share. I've learned much to share lately.
In the interim, I heard from a sleepless friend today and received a PTSD poem she wrote last night that I thought I would share, with her permission.
Me & My PTSD – by Tiff
I've been blessed with this mental illness they refer to as PTSD,
It keeps me locked up in chains yearning to be free.
Hearing about all these social events I'd really love to attend,
but PTSD reminds me as I try,
its rules will not bend.
Step out in public, how dare I!!
Don't engage with your life, why?
cold sweats and illogical thought,
it's like being in a room of a thousand and being put on the spot.
If I can manage to keep it together,
the calming process later seems to take forever.
Flaring the Celiacs to no end,
constantly reminding me it's my enemy not my friend.
Living with my enemy day after day,
doesn't leave a lot of room for play.
The minute I relax and try to let loose,
I get a nasty reminder... you silly fool!!
I am here for the duration of your time,
so constantly convince yourself you'll be fine.
Focus on grounding,
love and self care,
the thought of giving up... don't you dare.
Live in this world where no one dares to speak,
let alone open their hearts and minds and take a peak.
To look at how their loved ones suffer,
it may make their lives a little tougher.
To be part of that totem of support,
why don't y'all... just SUPPORT!?!?
This leaves professionals to guide you every few weeks or so,
the time in between... do you know how low one can go?
Left to navigate through such a thick fog,
unexplainable reactions... one can get so lost!!
But once again I'll put on that expected face,
go out there and be whom I am not... so I don't disgrace.
Don't disgrace all of those who fail to see,
my mental illness is not a reflection of them... IT'S A REFLECTION OF ME!